Today is a gift. The only appropriate response is gratefulness….but let’s give giggles a crack at it first.
Today’s HOT LIST Link ( click the pretty blue link below to see today’s picks ):
$1,775,000
7147 N 23RD PL, Phoenix, AZ
“Opportunities like this won’t last.”
Because opportunity never buys the extended warranty. Tax Lien investing is the art of noticing a property has a tax lien against it, purchasing that tax lien position, and then waiting for the tax delinquency to mature so you can pay off the homeowner’s outstanding tax debt, and then steal their home from them. Did we say steal? Purchase! You purchase their home, via foreclosure and catapult mechanism. Ahem.
These Sellers acquired this property in April for $163,738, via tax lien.
BING! BING! BING! PEEYOO!! PEEYOO!! PEEYOO!! WHAMP!!! WHAMP!!! WHAMP!!!
(sound of coins hitting metal jackpot tray for 4-6 hours straight)
Up from the ground come a bubblin’ crude. Oil that is. Black Gold. Texas Tea! This contemporary creature clings to the side of Squaw Peak, overlooking the Central Corridor, downtown Phoenix, and all sunsets that head west. Hard to say when it was last occupied, but DO NOT OPEN THAT FRIDGE! You’ll need elbow grease by the barrel, but the opportunity to own an iconic slice of mountainside architecture for this price point is a rare earth commodity. From steal of the century to deal of the century, in less than six months. CHA to the CHING!
[This property was never placed on market, despite its tax lien issues. LESSON: Advertise, or the there’s a good chance the Sheriff will do it for you.]
$385,000
4181 S 249TH DR, Buckeye, AZ
“Specious home featuring 4bed/2.5bath”
Specious – (adjective) – Deceptively pleasing
Hmmm. Maybe that’s why it fell out of escrow and came back to market?
$665,000
5127 W HEADSTALL TRL, Phoenix, AZ
“$15,000. BUYER CREDIT AT CLOSING FOR UPGRADING FLOORING OR BUYERS CHOICE AFTER CLOSING”
That $15k coupon clip makes this purchase price $650k, or $159 per sq ft, making this red tag reality the third cheapest deal in Stetson Valley this year. BOOM! The interior features all the excitement beige never offers, a color scheme that improves with fading eyesight. There’s 4,000+ square feet of the coma inducing color layered floor to ceiling here. Is $15k enough to convert it all to an actual color? This shady shade appears to be “Almanac Beige”, though it could be “Bore Dumb Beige”, “Bowel Room Beige”, “Ben Stein Beige”, or the ever popular “Abstinence Tan”. Difficult to determine, I keep nodding off.
It’s a lot of home for not a lot of price. Yaaawnnn….man, these are Kodak codeine moments. This home’s personality is perfect for people who don’t let their kids fail. There is an extraordinary…EXTRA + ORDINARY…space here begging for someone to spread some personality disorder, give it a life, a squirt of courage, a brush stroke of risk, let loose the hounds of imagination! Yellow Moons! Orange Stars! Green Clovers! Forget the rules! CREATIVITY IS BORN FROM MISTAKES! Go make some!
It’s why I had kids.
$859,000
5345 E MCLELLAN RD 15, Mesa, AZ
“only home on a DOUBLE LOT”
This single level golf course Alta Mesa mansion caught our eye last month when it first appeared on market. This home straddles two lots, its berth widening like a Kardashian on a couch cushion. The price has shrunk faster than R Kelly’s free time, tumbling from $925k to $889k to today’s $859k ledge.
The price is NOT the issue.
Is it possible to perform a Beige transplant? We take back everything we said about the vanilla valley of beige boredom above! REMEMBER THE RULES! NEVER FORGET!!!
This home appears to have been staged by Hobby Lobbyists, with wallpaper patterns that would get kicked out of Herb Tarlek’s closet, and color combinations that would make Stevie Wonder wince. Whomever thought Bozo’s undies shower curtains paired well with Fruit Stripe gum wallpaper was not considering the asking price. I can’t tell if the kitchen’s supposed to indue seizures or merely suppress an appetite. The Master Bedroom feels like an antacid commercial. Are we being digested? “You know what would go great with the safety cone orange walls? Park Ranger green cabinets!”. This conversation occurred.
At this price level, people will stare. Make it worth their while! This home has everything going for it, Big Lot, Single Level, Granite Counters, Travertine Floors, but it’s got the style and panache of someone pairing a Tuxedo with Crocs. That’s a baby blue Tux with ruffles and Velcro strap camouflage Crocs, for those scoring at home. Fashion is instant language. To SELL a home it needs to be memorable, in a manner that does not include more question marks than the Riddler’s pajamas. This is not the Seller’s fault. You live how you live and there is nothing wrong with the style that you call your own. It’s a reflection of you. You celebrate YOU with your home. However….when SELLING that home, slay your style, save it for the next stop. Your Agent should have the balls to tell you so.
Did I mention I’m available?
Today is the first and only day you were given today. It is unique. There will never be a day in your life like this one. What takes place in today’s moments will never be repeated. Ever.
Treat it as such! Let’s move!
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