To him who lives in fear, every leaf rustles.
Today’s HOT LIST Link ( click the pretty blue link below to see today’s picks ):
$1,840,000
2415 E WINSTON DR, Phoenix, AZ
“Fully private gate, Instagram pantry, expanded 4.5 car garage”
Fully private gate! Not one of those time-share gate situations…which somehow…happen?
Instagram pantry! Where you can store all of your Instagrams! I don’t Instagram. How much space do they require? Is this a cocaine reference?
Expanded 4.5 car garage! In case you, uhm, own half of a vehicle?
I know what you’re thinking, wouldn’t an “expanded” 4.5 car garage be a 5 car garage? That’s not how Real Estate terminology works. We use words like “Expanded” and “Oversized” as pegs to hang your imagination on. We say “4.5 car garage” and your mind draws a picture. Then we add “expanded”, MIND BLOWN! POW! It’s larger than I thought!?!
This technique works.
This 7,065 sq ft custom castle rests at the foot of South Mountain on a quirky near acre lot. The Sellers own the adjacent lot as well, an EXPANDED 3/4 ACRE lot, which anyone purchasing this home should request be thrown into the deal. Call it an “Expanded Purchase”. What we love about these South Mountain foothills customs is their views. As you can see here, you enjoy Squaw Peak and Camelback horizons, with a carpet of downtown Phoenix lights in between. You can see all the places you’d rather live than here in South Phoenix.
Did I just say that?
$1,390,000
124 E Palm LN, Phoenix, AZ
“Sitting on over 1 ACRE of park style prime historic land”
Walk to the Opera, the Phoenix Art Museum, the Heard Museum, the Central Library, and even the Japanese Friendship Garden. This irrigated, Acre+ lot, is so close to downtown’s classiest amenities your step counter will become an even bigger disappointment than it already is. Built in 1930…you remember 1930 don’t you? That was the year the Empire State building began construction. We welcomed inventions such as Scotch Tape, Frozen Foods, and Kentucky Fried Chicken. And…there was also the Dust Bowl, the Depression, but you couldn’t drink those nightmares away because we had Prohibition (Arizona hadn’t had a legal drink since 1914).
Palm Lane was the north part of Phoenix at the time. The Arizona Biltmore, Sky Harbor Airport, and the aforementioned Heard Museum each opened for business the year this home broke ground. The Phoenix Trolley system, which ran up Third Street, reached Indian School Road in 1930, where it would die. The trolley’s Palm Lane station was 200 feet from this lot. Important people lived on this street. If walls could talk, these walls would be screaming “Get this Aztec kindergarten graffiti off of me!!!”, but they’dalso have 90 years of stories to tell us about where we’ve been. My how this place has grown! Priceless.
$1,618,033.74
8616 S 19TH AVE, Phoenix, AZ
“Level 8 ballistic steel, bulletproof acrylics, commercial roll-down gates, and a 1200-sq. ft. panic area”
For those feeling as if the End Times are on the clock, we present this Omega Man Compound, replete with every Zombie Apocalypse prevention feature one could conjure up. Bulletproof outer shell, mortar resistant roof, with all the creature comforts of a Serbian prison. This concrete jungle gym was inspired by the interior designers of American Gladiators. Nitro! Sabre! Turbo! Built in ladders lead you to convenient sniping locations throughout the home. If the zombie hordes somehow breach the steel gates and iron doors (as they always do), you can Sarah Connor your way to high ground in the hopes the brain hungry beasts have less climbing ability than Bob Dole.
That McDonalds Playland handle on the slider wall pulls shut the BLAST DOOR, as the center of this house converts into a lovely Last Stand Fortress. Land mines and moat system sold separately. Not such a crazy idea…is it?
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