Take your job seriously, never yourself.
Today’s HOT LIST Link ( click the pretty gold link below to see today’s picks ):
$3,600,000
10104 E CINDER CONE TRL, Scottsdale, AZ
“outdoor kitchen including a Green Egg, burners, sink, storage, pizza oven, barbecue grill, & bar stool seating, fire pit area w/ seating, & putting green.”
Tell us Vanna, what else does today’s Wheel of Good Fortune super backyard showcase offer our contestants?
Well Pat, your liver will be harder than a diamond compressed on Jupiter after experiencing a lifetime supply of cocktail party drop in visitors. The 24/7 carnivorous flesh-eating diet born from owning 20+ feet of outdoor commercial grade cooking implements will leave your intestinal tract clogged tighter than a Japanese commuter train at 6am. And the abundance of versatile smoking options provided by the hermetically sealed chamber, patented air flow system, and 100% hickory hardwood heat of your new Green Egg low ash smoker will inflame your hair follicles and eccrine sweat glands with a permanent scent of tender beef brisket.
Wow! Can you believe that? Incredible prizes await. Ok Janet, it’s your turn.
Thanks Pat. I’ll go with the letter “F”, as in “Physician”.
The architect and Mother Nature conspired to craft a duet here that is music to the eyes. With tee boxes to the west, they wisely shifted the main patio east, tossing in a bouquet of mesquite trees west side to play defensive line to any errant golf shots, or as my friends call them, “It’s your turn”. A rear patio that stretches nearly around the entire house is a barefoot bonanza, and something we rarely see, or see done well. Chef’s kiss, this is Arizona outdoor living done right, dare to dream!
$275,000
7618 N 19TH DR, Phoenix, AZ
“NEEDS REPAIRS AND RENOVATIONS”
You can say a lot with words. Notice how this listing uses both “REPAIRS” and “RENOVATIONS”, when either sweat-equity warning label would have sufficed. We shouldn’t ignore that this description traveled to double-verb town onboard the ALL CAPS bus either. This is a cry for help. Those four words, “NEEDS REPAIRS AND RENOVATIONS” allow us to springboard Triple-Lindy style into the psychological clockwork orange inner flavor layers of this listing agent’s hypochondriatic equations. I know what you’re thinking, examining the Freudian gear shift linkage of any Realtor is as futile as refilling the ice trays on the Titanic, insanity is a job requirement of the trade. But I’m caffeinated beyond legal limits and armed with a keyboard so we’re 12 stepping right over the line. Grab a rail, here we go!
The vacancy sign hanging over the photo array shows us the Listing Agent looked fear straight in the eye, took a deep breath, then yanked the wheel hard right, exiting the information super-highway so sporadically they clipped the water barrels. They provided just five pictures, one for every finger covering their eyes. Three angles of the garage door and two shots of the community pool. This leaves the interior adrift in mystery, prone to the type of blind speculation typically reserved for Zapruder film festivals, Paul-is-Dead album cover study circles, or Covid-22 script writing roundtables. How bad can it be in there?
Side Note: I once viewed a home being sold by Egyptian rug weavers from Nigeria. Night shift workers, must have been 20 living in a two bed townhome, they slept by day with dark rugs covering the windows. I viewed that property with a phone light, stepping over the bodies of sleeping workers rolled up in their own creations like human burritos. I’ve seen things people, all I’m saying.
Let’s assume the interior of this home is a worst case scenario. Police tape, chalk outlines, “I’ll be back” scribbled in blood on the walls. Appliances relocated out of state, open concept plumbing, a carpet of needles and spoons, marinating in the aroma of forty abandoned cats, who began the month as eighty abandoned cats. How do we calculate future value at this scene of the grime once the team of scrubbers, fixers, and every religious curse lifter has done their business to revive the patient? How do we glimpse the future?
Simple: We look at similar properties, remodeled, such as this one below which is Pending at $325k.
Example: Click to view listing(s)
A quick Quincy M.E. forensic examination of the remodeled model illuminates the dark path ahead. There may be big ticket items, such as those giant sliders which cost more than a small car. On the bright side, galley kitchens are easier on the pocketbook pulmination than kitchens with corners. The bathrooms here are simple and square, the perfect resting place for off the shelf bathroom cabinets and plumbery poopy parts. As Fixers go, the geometry here lends itself to simplicity. Let’s do the maniacal math:
$325K minus $275K = 50,000 reasons why this list price looks good, until we add in the minuses. We do not know what lurks behind the screen door, but if we go into a FLIP, or Fix-to-Keep venture, with our eyes up, and an awareness that this attractive price might not be the French swimsuit model, with a sultry voice and airbag chest, it presented itself as…we will be able to joyously beat the price up if the need arises. Let’s face it, the Seller already fears what’s coming. Wouldn’t want to let them down!
We like the area. We like this model of townhome. Won’t know if we love the price until we peer inside….thank God there’s a face mask in the car.
$998,000
35849 N 60TH ST, Cave Creek, AZ
“Great fix up opportunity!”
See the difference? Here the prospect of long weekends and sore backs is presented with fervor and excitement. Fix up! Yay! Go Team! This Listing may appear as a “New Listing” today, but this property spent one week on market in July priced at $1,250,000, then it evaporated like the Afghan army overnight.
Yeah, we noticed.
This block-built beauty bounces back to market $252k lighter today, and that price point is Hot List Worthy. Elevated Sentinel Rock lot, which gives you valley-wide sunset views unfurling to the south, and a blanket of saguaros marching up Black Mountain behind. This is a mature neighborhood for mature people, filled with comfortable white tread shoes, quiet walks, and neighbors that count the days with a plastic pill box. This may be the only house on Sentinel Rock we’ve never stepped into….yep, first time on market. Well, second time, counting last month.
Love it. Have I mentioned my caretaking services? You can purchase this property as an investment, my wife and I will move in and make sure it’s livable, for no charge!
Dare to dream!
WEEKEND TRAFFIC UPDATE
It’s a Holiday Weekend!?!
Someone needs to make a Self-Employment calendar so we independently unwealthy types can see these things coming. The following traffic information should make more headlines than a corduroy pillow: THERE ARE NO RESTRICTIONS THIS WEEKEND ON VALLEY FREEWAYS!
That said, if your plans include heading north on I-17, you might want to leave right now.
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