Never put your Doctor in your will.
Today’s HOT LIST Link ( click the pretty blue link below to see today’s picks ):
$2,490,000
8500 E ASTER DR, Scottsdale, AZ
“The master bedrooms both feature his/hers closets”
FREEZE!!! Back away from the keyboard, slowly! Sir, do you know why I’m pulling this sentence over? I’m with the Grammar Police, to correct and serve, and today I’m issuing a PC violation on behalf of the delusional, illogical minority of rabidly unscrupulous hordes of overly-sensitive language pansies who need this big bad world of sharp edges and pointy things to be a Styrofoam padded, sugar coated, frolicking feelings factory of positive reinforcement.
MASTER BEDROOM!?!
HIS/HERS CLOSETS!?!
DOUBLE VIOLATION! Go directly to Jail. DO NOT PASS GO!
What do you think this is, 2007? As citizens of this sincerely insane society we have to slip and slide through our language choices like a squadron of Blue Angels flying six inches off each other’s taste wings, never deviating from the prescribed norms of hetero-utero-homo-gender-nuance as prescribed to us by the screaming hordes of offended, tattooed, pierced, blue/green hairs guiding our societal evolution to Satan’s foyer by way of fire, riots and White Out….sorry, Correction Fluid. My bad.
This week’s correct-because-we-say-so terminology includes the terms “Primary Bedrooms” and “They/Them towels”. Please note your Daily Encouragement journals and mark the page with a string of Tibetan worry beads. The house? Oh…yes, silly me.
Seven Bedrooms, Nine Bathrooms, Two M…Primary Suites!, One Detached Guest House, One Swimming Pool, and ZERO Interior Photos for fear the brown cabinetry holding up the white countertop power structure would induce seizures and feelings of rage.
$300,000
705 N HOGAN DR, Payson, AZ
“unbeatable price in today’s market”
This is the third cheapest home in all of Payson, the two “Cheapers” are Mobile Homes. We see no axles to grind here. We see a block wall undercarriage garage, with two floors of house standing on it, surrounded by a quarter acre lot. We do not feature Payson properties very often on the Hot List because they tend to be freakishly expensive. This is the best deal of 2021, hands down. Want to Get Away? This is the one.
$829,000
624 E DEEPDALE RD, Phoenix, AZ
“BUYER DID NOT PERFORM, IGNORE DAYS ON MARKET”
DON’T BLAME US FOR ACCEPTING THAT OFFER! ~ A message from irresponsibility.
Can a man believe a house is overpriced, yet is so utterly undeniably attractive that he places it on the Hot List anyhow?
Apparently so! We’ve been fans of this sultry seductress since it debuted in July at $825k….then raised its price overnight to $899k after some idiot excitedly called the listing agent praising the home’s interior design. Ahem. That New MUCH HIGHER Price staggered forward like Gary Busey encountering a down escalator while double fisting gin and tonics, tumbling $899k…$879k…$849k…$839k…third floor, Men’s ties and ladies negligees…$829k….UNDER CONTRACT! Phew!…whoops. FUMBLE!
Life is a circle back. There’s an appraiser waiting in the bushes to snipe this price tag, which may or may not be what happened to Buyer Numero Uno, who has fled the scene. If there is a home in Moon Valley that is going to set the new value record, this one is it.
$1,950,000
39 Howell AVE, Bisbee, AZ
“Built in 1903 as the Copper Queen Gymnasium”
ACKSHUALLY…it was built as the “Bisbee Gym Building” by the Copper Queen Mining Company. But I’m getting ahead of the story. Grab a cocktail kids…I mean coffee…with booze in it…
The year is 1880 – Hungry for a silver bonanza find, three miners, Hugh Jones, Hank McCoy, and Joe Halcro set out for Tombstone Canyon where they staked a claim called “The Halcro Mine”. The canyon was rocks and scrub brush walled off by big meaty cliffs for a diggin’ and a findin’. Weeks of picking and plucking led to no silver, just an annoying amount of “copper stains” on the unearthed rock. So the three morons hopped on their mules and abandoned the mine. Upon hearing of their tale, and understanding what a “copper stain” was, a savvy Miner by the name of George Warren took over the mine, renaming it “The Copper Queen.” George would later lose his share in that mine after a drunken wager. He bet bar patrons he could outrun a horse. The town of Warren is still named after him today.
Thanks to the invention of electricity, copper was a very popular mineral. Over the next two decades the Copper Queen would employ over 10,000 people and occupy over 640 acres. The town of Bisbee grew to 20,000+ citizens and became the second largest city west of the Mississippi (San Francisco held top spot until a 1906 shake up). The Copper Queen mine operated 24 hours a day, seven days a week, earning it a bottomless reputation that attracted New York investors. Phelps Dodge, an import-export company, bought 51% of the Copper Queen in that company’s first ever mining venture.
In 1889 the Southern Pacific railroad arrived in Bisbee. Now the ore could be sent by train and CHOO-CHOO-CHA-CHING!, the town became one of the richest places in the WORLD. The railroad noticed this and hiked their rates. Phelps-Dodge was so rich….how rich were they?….they built their own train line to El Paso, just to screw Southern Pacific, who eventually bought that rail line from Phelps-Dodge.
So, by 1900, after the Y1K panic dissolved, Bisbee was The Place to Be in the West, considered a cosmopolitan enclave on par with New Orleans in class, artistry, alongside raucous bars and unbridled prostitution. In 1902 the Copper Queen Hotel was constructed. One of their early guests was Teddy Roosevelt, who had become the youngest President of the United States ever after his boss caught a bullet with his life. Teddy was an avid outdoorsman and was also certain that assassins were out to get him (they were), thus he incorporated a daily fitness regimen, spending his afternoons playing tennis, boxing, and wrestling with staff.
But not in Bisbee. Teddy was disappointed, aghast even, that this high falutin brand new Copper Queen Hotel had no gymnasium! “A man whose business is sedentary should get some kind of exercise if he wishes to keep himself physically trim,” said Teddy. Humiliated that their cosmopolitan enclave did not provide the World’s Gym amenities now popular in all the high falutin cities, Phelps Dodge built a YMCA BUILDING immediately. The first YMCA west of the Mississippi.
Today you can buy it for less than Two Million dollars
They say it’s a fun place to stay.
You can get yourself clean
You can have a good meal
You can do whatever you feel!
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