You must give happiness to deserve happiness.
Today’s HOT LIST Link ( click the pretty gold link below to see today’s picks ):
We’re not going to mention the Bill-Gates-is-Satan incident that stranded me in Vegas for 10 days with a slain laptop and no means to contact the outside world beyond a phone and Morse code. Not. Gonna. Mention it. Some days the sprint starts with your laces knotted together. Go! Whoops! Faceplant!
Welcome back. Let’s move!
$1,890,000
39668 N OLD STAGE RD, Cave Creek, AZ
“Stunning panoramic mountain, city lights, sunset and sunrise views”
WARNING: Hitting the play button on this listing video, with the sound up, will initiate a Pavlovian craving for Pina Coladas, tapas, and sarongs. It’s like rubbing a lamp and Jimmy Buffet emerges. Welcome to lifestyles of the rich and Pablo Escobar! Sitting atop its own mountain, this five-acre lot allows you to see the authorities approaching from every angle. A man could waste a month of weekends just rolling various items down the driveway (it’s a guy thing). The interior’s Gilbert Ortega symphony of cactus organs and 4×4 tile technology features more Mexican remnants than Ricardo Montalbán’s colonoscopy. This is an outdoor home, containing views that will drag you off the couch, wiggle your hips, and probably lead to the surgical addition of a sombrero. Viva My Chalupa!
$88,000
47 S Summer Homes DR, Crown King, AZ
“Imagine the fun you can have in this …”
Dollar Store cabin in the woods? Ch-ch-ch! Ah-ah-ah! When the Taliban crests the hill with their still-under-warranty fleet of equipment and suddenly the road rolls out like a welcome mat, having a Bug Out house to drag your family to, will seem like the best idea you never had. This escape clause is located in Crown King, a tiny off-the-grid village sitting at the top of 4-wheel-drive mountain beyond Black Canyon City. It’s just an hour out of town with the right 4×4 lift set-up. Up there they have a store, a bar, and Horse Thief Lake. That name earned because horse thieves would ride their stolen steeds to this watering hole after hot wiring them in places like Wickenburg and Prescott. You can boat on the lake, and even fish on it if you enjoy large-mouth bass that cook quickly due to their high mercury content. Speaking of mineral water, this cabin has none.
Nada. No agua. It’s a dry suite!
“Shared well nearby”. The two 500 gallon tanks on the property are your cabin’s water source. How much water is that? A typical shower uses 2.5 gallons of water per minute, which nobody can ever remember. Try this memory trick: A ten minute shower uses 25 gallons of water. Thus a 500 gallon tank contains 20 showers. If you do your dishes while showering, you can cut down on the amount of times you pay the water truck to fill your tanks. Let’s be Frank, if it’s the end of the world as we know it, earthquakes, birds and snakes, and aeroplanes, the prospect of shower pot scrubs will be the least of our worries!
$1,590,000
3165 E SIERRA VISTA DR, Phoenix, AZ
“your own tunnel w/private access to the Arizona Biltmore”
This Biltmore Estates estate made the list today because of its price tag’s striking appearance. Most of the Million-Moolah-Mansions that make the daily Hot list get by on their looks alone. This is the rare exception, an attractive house AND an attractive price! We would have listed this property at $1.8M. We believe they’re leaving money on the table, which will become obvious when this elegant home goes under contract later this week. Camelback and Squaw Peak views, clean upgrades throughout, wearing a tight-fitting yard that doesn’t beg you to lift finger. This is precisely the recipe list Californian refugees seek to overpay for upon escape.
But about that tunnel…
There is in fact a tunnel to the Biltmore!
However…this isn’t a hit-two-piano-keys to access the firepole behind the bookcase style tunnel.
“Private Access”…is a lie.
This tunnel isn’t even located on the property, so your inner Harriet Tubman will be need a comfy pair of Skechers.
“your own tunnel”…is a lie.
You may have heard of “truth in advertising”, but you’ll never hear “truth in Real Estate advertising”. Hire professionals!
Below the intersection of Lincoln Drive and Arizona Biltmore Circle, there is a pedestrian tunnel that grants this exclusive neighborhood exclusive access to the Biltmore Golf Course. The tunnel is large enough to fit a golf cart, but not two golf carts side by side….as we discovered…one hot afternoon…many beers into the proceedings.
Seven years is beyond the statute of limitations, right?
The Final Word:
I’m sorry I was absent last week when things got dark outside. We do the Las Vegas furniture show two weeks per year, the laptop’s Hari-kari ritual made this trip more obvious than most. You may be interested to know Las Vegas is nearly open. Vegas rolled out their new development plan, it’s called “Neglect”. A tornado hitting that city could only cause improvements as there are sections where the graffiti is the only thing left holding up the walls. Some cities have zoos, others become them. There is a rot afoot there, a gangrenous decay permeating every aspect of life. Vegas has been our second home for six years now, and this was the worst we’ve witnessed.
Phoenix….please take notice. The downward path is a slide.
Same goes for life, and each of us. It’s a tad too easy to wake with your fingers in a fist after peering into the television’s abyss these days. Stop. Drop. And Roll.
Time for a reminder:
Life is amazing. And then it’s awful.
And then it’s amazing again.
And in between the amazing and the awful
it’s ordinary and mundane and routine.
Breathe in the amazing.
Hold on through the awful.
Relax and exhale through the ordinary.
That’s just living.
Heartbreaking, soul-healing,
Amazing, awful, ordinary life.
And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.
You’re beautiful. You’re odd.
You’re running out of time.
Don’t waste it on the awful stuff.
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