It’s just a hill. Get Over It.
Today’s HOT LIST Link ( click the pretty blue link below to see today’s picks ):
$4,990,000
6883 E JOSHUA TREE LN, Paradise Valley, AZ
“BARGAIN OF THE YEAR! PRICED AT ONLY $675/SQ FT”
You are now a witness. You have now seen the above word combo too.
Welcome to the Ritz-Carlton Residences! Come, let’s mix, where Rockefellers walk with sticks, or umbrellas in their mitts, livin’ on the Ritz. According to their website, “The Residences will be part of an enclave that will have as its centerpiece a Ritz-Carlton hotel. Homeowners will enjoy an array of services and sophisticated comforts.”
Will? Someone should notify their website people that these homes are already built! For decades Paradise Valley held strong to their one home per acre rule, which is what puts the Paradise in Paradise Valley. The secret of the town’s success is space, with space between it. When you’re standing on Camelback Mountain, looking down at these tiny islands of activity adrift in an ocean of emptiness, you can believe in magic.
The housing crisis did for Paradise Valley development what the Star Wars prequels did for our childhoods… kicked it square in the nuts. This 7,398 sq ft monster home had to shimmy into a 13,139 sq ft miniskirt lot, which is about a third of an acre. Imagine Charles Barkley in Yoga shorts. To grease and shoehorn this epically large home onto this petite sized lot the builder had to stack three floors, leaving owners with more steps than Charlie Sheen’s rehab. This home is a striking collection of the finest finishes available; no expense was spared. But around the third or fourth time their platinum frisbee jumps into the neighbor’s yard, someone might question that five million dollar check they wrote.
LESSON: Never make apologies for setting high standards. Never give up. Never surrender.
Yes, we’re quoting Galaxy Quest.
$398,000
23896 W PECAN CIR, Buckeye, AZ
“overhead storage beans, the white retangular European toilets”
“Storage beans are where methane is kept” ~ Last Night’s Burrito.
Our Speak N Spell suggests the bathroom seating might be white “rectangular” toilets, answering the age old naughty potty question, “Can you spare a square?”. This is a 4 bed, 2 bath, single level, cul de sac lot home, with pool, that is sided by a park on two sides, with the lone neighboring property angled clean out of sight. That’s a home run! We don’t need to hear…any….more….oh no, here it comes…
But thankfully…the listing goes on to inform us that the trees were “expensive”. No Dollar Store foliage here! The garden is of the “organic” variety, not one of those artificial concrete pad with Botox injected pumpkins style gardens. No sir. They also claim the French kitchen has “tons” of granite counter space. Let’s see, a ¾ inch slab of granite weighs 13lbs, so they just told us there is at least 306 sq ft of granite counter tops in this home. That is amazing!
Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at “Hello”.
$649,500
2508 W BARBIE LN, Phoenix, AZ
“New Oven/stove, microwave, and refrigerator are not pictured.
The range has a dent on it but is being replaced.
Old BBQ in the backyard has also been removed”
I’m confused. Is the New oven dented? How does that even happen? Did someone get a running start before cooking? Is this how fast food is made?
We love the opportunity to purchase a single level, 6 bed, 3 bath, Amber Hills home with all new appliances and an OWNED solar system. Solar is never a bad investment if someone else pays for it. The backyard is a pug maker with less than 20 feet between the door and the wall, yet they squeezed in a pool, and it backs to open space with a mountain view. Such can make tight feel alright, alright, alright.
The price? It’s good. We think it can be greater. This property was acquired via Sheriff’s deed this past June. The Sellers paid $105,799. Ahem. Sheriff’s Deed acquisitions are typically the product of a tax sale. Homeowner fails to pay their property taxes, some mustache twirling investor purchases the tax lien at public auction, then waits for the homeowner’s redemption period to expire. Gavel drops. Judicial foreclosure completed.
Do you think the Sellers might have room to negotiate a lower purchase price here? My pen is fueled. Who’s ready to play a game?
ZILLOW TALK: I want to say Thank You to all of the Hot List subscribers who have sent Zillow articles to us this past week. As we warned you in July, there is big trouble brewing with the digital demon dogs who have held a stranglehold on our market’s supply ALL YEAR LONG.
We’ve got a Blog post in the works, as most of the media articles fumbled through the basic facts with the grace of Larry, Moe, and Curly diffusing a bomb. Suffice to say, the Opendoor, Offerpad, Zillow tribe of digital platform real estate dealers is sagging mightily under the weight of incredibly poor decision making. These companies use algorithms to purchase properties, which means billions of dollars have been spent Nationwide with the involvement of ZERO common sense. These companies have been careening out of control all year, under bright lights, up on a stage, stars of the show, and not one authority, government or private sector, has lifted a finger of involvement.
Look, I am the Webster’s definition of rule breaker and this lack of involvement blows MY mind.
We flawed humans keep inventing machines to replace ourselves, never mindful that the machines we make will inherently become flawed products of flawed creators. You cannot purchase homes wisely with an algorithm. Period. Homes are a human experience. Home is hope. Home is Christmas morning, July 4th afternoon, Thanksgiving hugs, new babies, new puppies, plastic slides, and bedtime stories. Home is the frame you paint your life within. These “Tech Giants” want to reimagine home. Strip it down to an equation. It’s just walls, floors, and a roof, according to their algorithm. We’ll be prying that coding from their cold dead hands soon enough.
Will the housing market crash alongside these beasts? Not likely. We still lack the inventory for a genuinely epic correction. I would argue that everything wrong with our current market can be traced back to those three tech platforms. They are a cancer on housing. Removing these tumors might cause a ripple, but we’ll be living healthier without them moving forward.
We are always moving forward. Never look back. Let’s GO!
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