101% percent of success is ignoring the math.
Today’s HOT LIST Link ( click the pretty blue link below to see today’s picks ):
$5,795,000
3253 E San Miguel PL, Paradise Valley, AZ
“Modern Farm Home”
Disclaimer: This FARM Home doesn’t give a crop.
“Modern Farm Home” is tri-word designer code for a Chip and Joanna Gaines Fixer Upper-cut to the noggin whereby specific HGTV design show elements are assembled Avengers style to produce an agrarian lifestyle façade. Fake Redneck is their #1 crop export. This home-made farm recipe MUST include the following semi-natural ingredients:
A: Barn roof. Specifically a 12:12 pitched Gable Roof clad in enough metallic material that a light rain drizzle should sound like Neil Peart moved into the attic.
B: Siding. Lap Board and Batten, the outdoor second cousins of shiplap (which we will surely find inside). Horizontal siding has fled the trailer park and has now captured the hearts and minds of the design center elite. Anything called tongue and groove was destined to become a hit with the “more flair” crowd.
C: Whiteness. This isn’t some politically incorrect cultural nod to plantation ownership. Naw sir. The stark white exteriors gracing the “Farmhouse” look offer a clean dance floor where light and texture meet to breed shadows of interest. It’s like a moonshine drenched square dance for kissing cousins.
D: Front porch swing. Nothing says Hee Haw Haute like sipping sweat tea while sloshing your innards to and fro via the rhythmic gyrations of a hand-built hanging front porch swing…..which….WHAT IN TARNATIONS!?!
They forgot to add the swing here! This five million dollar ode to Daisy Dukes does NOT HAVE A FRONT PORCH SWING!?! That’s more foul than a topless chicken coop.
The word for this house is Budweiser.
It’s a nice looking farm type house, BUDWEISER no porch swing!?!
Snicker – snort -spittoon-DING!
$625,000
34701 N 24TH AVE, Phoenix, AZ
“Beautiful home in the North Valley with huge upgrades!”
Huge upgrades? You mean size-wise huge? HUGE huge!?! Like a Walk-in oven? 50 gallon toilets? A giant Zamboni sized Roomba we can ride around the house while it sucks up discarded shoes and slow-moving pets? Apologies. Sorry. Back it down. My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of ridiculous nonsense!
-click -[REBOOT] -click-
(soft classical music playing…)
Clean linear lines bestow this grand interior’s flow with a welcoming aura that’s sure to enliven the souls of your friends and family. A delicate palette of soft greys and brass drawer pulls play harmoniously along the delicious eye candy flavors of thick marble countertops. This choir of classic conveniences lends this expansive kitchen space a timeless appeal. Fragments of natural light cascade across generous living spaces, a moving reminder of the mature grove of organic foliage embracing this property’s perimeter. Such a melodious collection of on-trend influences acts as a repository of positive thoughts, soothing your spirit with its openhearted take on the modern home.
They matched the dining table stain with the stair banister wood. Who does that!?! BTW, shouldn’t “OCD” be called “CDO”? Placing the letters of that particular condition out of order just seems cruel. Shut up brain. Back to the house.
We considered this house a show-stopper when its Monopoly hotel silhouette debuted on market in August. Corner lot, mountain view, with an interior torn from the pages of Phoenix Home and Garden. WINNING!
But it lost in battle. Fell out of escrow yesterday. Back on Market as of today. Love the house. Love Love Love the price for this type of Turn Key dinner.
$2,995,000
6802 N 36TH ST, Phoenix, AZ
“NEW TO MARKET!”
If you believe that declaration we have a sweet Tallahatchie Bridge we can throw in with the purchase, as soon as Billy Joe MacAllister is finished…..dammit now I can’t shake the redneck persona! Thanks Modern Farm House!
This perch perfect property is not New to Market. Heck, we featured this contemporary creature on the Hot List back in July. It’s hard to say STEAL when $3 million is in the room, but when you compare one of the highest Palm Canyon views with competing scenes of the same price tag, this property stands apart from the crowd. See for yourself. Drive up 36th Street from Lincoln Drive. Palm Canyon is an ungated enclave of custom luxury masterpieces. If you’ve never driven up this community and watched the valley expand before your unbelieving eyes as you rise on asphalt wings into the ozone layer….GO DO IT.
Life is short. Views are worth time. Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations. But you already know that.
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