Eve was the first one to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.
Today’s HOT LIST Link ( click the pretty blue link below to see today’s picks ):
$4,995,000
7300 N 70TH ST, Paradise Valley, AZ
“this magnificent gated Santa Barbara villa truly has it all”
HAS IT ALL!?! Truly?
This place has a bottomless ATM?
Its own petting zoo of edible creatures?
An In-N-Out delivery window in the kitchen!?!
From its M&M dispensers, vacuum tube beer can delivery system, and the chinchilla Shiatsu massage carpeting, this lavish luxury leviathan is the next best thing since spray on cheese. Whether you’re tasting 500 year old Scotch with your buddies in the interior barroom, or passing out in one of the 20,000 randomly placed chairs, you will never run out of things to discover or trip over as this house really does seem to have a dozen of everything, squared.
“The attention to detail seen throughout this home are truly astounding”
The word you’re looking for is “IS”.
Darn details!
$595,000
19416 E RAVEN DR, Queen Creek, AZ
“72 Hour Home Sale!”
That’s it. That’s the sales pitch.
No mention of the 100 yard TV screen, or the ceiling mounted Rorschach test, or the fleet of Crayola customized bathrooms. I don’t get it. You exercise the diligent care and creativity to modify every nook and cranny of your home, meticulously hand picking the sinks, methodically painting the wall murals, bleeding your imagination onto every square inch, from inlaid floor to eggplant ceiling. And the sales pitch is: HURRY UP AND BUY THIS THING!
Between the corporatized indifference and the cloned sheep copy formatting you have a better chance of winning the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, finding Amelia Earhart’s plane in your yard and the Lost Ark of the Covenant in your attic, all in the same day, than you do of finding a Real Estate professional who cares enough about maximizing your property’s profit potential that they’ll dig into their energy reservoir to lift a finger.
72 Hour Home Sale
Ok. That’s a wrap!
Consider the Seller. This is the biggest sale of their lifetime, in the most valuable housing market ever seen in the history of Arizona, and they trust this sale to someone who’s strategy relies on knocking it out in a weekend? GENIUS! These Sellers spent more time turning their pool area into the delicious beach town of Amity. Which is like hanging a picture of a shirtless Dom DeLuise in the kitchen, when you think about it. Strategy might not be their strongest suit, bathing or otherwise.
W: How should we decorate the pool area?
H: Let’s take inspiration from that movie where everyone dies while swimming!
Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu to you ladies of Spain!
PEOPLE PLEASE
Don’t make a permanent decision for your temporary impulse. Don’t settle for a stopwatch gimmick when quality professionals are available to HELP YOU. Never sell yourself short. You get one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment. Hire the right human!
~ A message from your local Real Estate Professional who cares, and who is writing this sentence right….now….whoa…look at that
$1,490,000
10266 N 79TH ST, Scottsdale, AZ
“the home does not have any immediate neighbors.”
So, you’re saying the neighbors are a bit on the slow side?
If you’re sick and tired of boring square shaped lots, try angles! We don’t mean to sound obtuse but this lot has three sides to every story. Why make some pointless property acquisition when you can purchase your very own love triangle with this single level Scottsdale home, that appears to be seeking the lost plans of the Death Star. Warning: the side yard has diminishing returns! But it’s such acute angle! It’s always 90 degrees outside when you live on the corner, but this is the rare opportunity to live corner to corner to corner. Tri that on for size!
For dinner: Tri-Tip.
Outdoor apparel: Bermuda shorts
Exercise Plan: Nah, you’re already “in shape”!
(sigh)
“Here’s your Sine” ~ Pythagoras
WEEKEND TRAFFIC NONSENSE
Loop 101 Westbound – CLOSED – Tatum to 7th Street. Again. This tends to convert Cave Creek Road into the Los Angeles stretch of the 405. Go around…the long way is shorter.
I-10 Westbound – CLOSED – From the 51 to 7th Ave – The downtown Phoenix stretch. Not that there’s any reason to go downtown anymore, but they managed to make less of one.
I-10 Southbound – CLOSED – Broadway to Chandler Blvd. “Ahwatukee” is an ancient Native American word meaning “You no come IKEA this weekend”
Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Hey! We don’t want your type in here!’
The-the-the-that’s All Folks!
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